Mother Knows Best.

Mother Knows Best.

Ever give advice?  Ever ask for advice?  Ever actually take advice?  It is always nice to hear others’ perspective, especially coming from elders, best friends and family.  But in the end, the best decisions we make come from ourselves.  When we ask for advice do we really intend on doing what the outside party says?  And when we give advice, we cannot honestly appreciate the entire perspective or situation.  Sometimes that is a good thing, but the decision is only to be decided by one person, and that’s YOU. 

I have two matriarchs I would like to honor today: Virginia Imhof, my grandmother, and Susan Imhof Sines, my mother.  Some might say we are three peas in a pod.  If you have ever met Virginia (AKA “Corky”) or Sue, you’ll see it’s very obvious where I came from.  Since moving to Pittsburgh, I’ve had countless people say to me, “Oh my God, you look just like you’re mother!”  Not just the way I look, but the way I walk, the way I talk, and most remarkably people have noticed and told me, the way I laugh.

Three Generations of Smiles!

I have learned so much from my Mom and my Grandma in my life.  I’m not going to spend this whole blog flattering these two ladies, because sometimes our family’s approach isn’t the most glamorous.  But, the end result is always the same.  More strength, more wisdom, and more love.

One of the things about my Grandma is that she doesn’t leave it a mystery as to what her opinion is.  (And she has always has ample opinion to share!)  She has given me plenty of what she likes to call, “two cent lectures”, and typically they come in handy, even if I don’t choose to follow as directed.

I often share this piece of advice from Grandma with my students.  It has saved me from many potentially explosive situations.  (Likewise, I have suffered more than I should have when I have forgotten her words.)

“Jesus hung on the cross for three days.  You can wait three days to send that email.” 

Or have that conversation, or to make that decision.  Three hours even works pretty well.  (Just about the time frame you need to get to the studio, practice for 90 minutes, take a good shower and get home!)

My Mom, however, is not so cut and dry.  Perhaps it is because I always chose the road less traveled by.  And, even though sometimes I feel a little lonely, I take much pride in being the black sheep of the family. 

Sometimes my emotions get the best of me.  It used to really bother me that my Mom would “help” my brothers more than me.  My mind has suffered, and I have retaliated, and once she replied,

“Jenn, I don’t help you because you don’t need my help!” 

Turns out I am ferociously independent, and it is pretty rare that I give anyone the opportunity to “help” me.  When my head is in a good place, I take pride in taking good care of myself independently.  And, when I am in this place, I realize my Mom helps me all the time.  Even if it is not in the same cut and dry ways as my brothers.

My Mom never gave me all the answers.  But there is one piece of advice that she gives me over and over again when I ask her what she thinks about something in my life.  She says,

“Well, Jenn, I don’t know what to tell you!”

Whether it’s about relationships, jobs, or something stupid, 8 out of 10 times that’s what she says.  There have been times when this has made me feel empty and times when this has made me feel frustrated.  But when my mind is truthful and my heart is ready to receive, I know that this is the most realistic advice anyone could ever give me.

She lets me make my own decisions.  She lets me be my own person.  She has never given me a reason to try to fit into a mold.  If any of you readers know me personally, you would completely understand that!  

My Mom simply lets me be whoever I’m going to be, and she doesn’t try to push any agenda or steer me away from the path I want to take.  The only time she tries to stop me from anything is if its literally dangerous to my health.  She is proud of me, even if what I do isn’t what typical people do.  I was not a typical kid; we are not a typical family. 

Like Mother Like Daughter

Sure, her advice may be vague, and she didn’t spend much time spoon feeding me, but as a result I am exactly who I’m supposed to be.  It isn’t like I was left in the dark.  I know about spirituality.  I know about love, compassion, honesty, and trust.  I know about stepping out of my comfort zone, having a skin that’s just thick enough so I will never hold myself back or let anyone else's opinion barricade me from success.  And just like my Mom, I know how to laugh.

I think that when people have kids, there is a part of us that hopes that they will turn out similar to ourselves.  I know if I had a daughter, I would love to show her yoga, teach her to belly dance, and live and examined life.  But, the rest will be up to her…

…But as I have experienced, without forcing it at all, I turned out just like my Mom.  I’m funny, I’m beautiful, I’m fiercely liberated, and I am extremely proud of the family I came from. 

Happy Mother’s Day to all the brave women out there who created my friends, my family, and my students…and especially to Pittsburgh's greatest matriarchs, Susan and Virginia.

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